I want to fight the Communist scourge and support my fellow freedom loving patriots in China. You see, the pinko red Chinese have outlawed spitting
in front of tourists in preparation of the coming Olympic games in Peking.
Our town has a long history of great spitters
, from the roughneck fur trading pioneers to the hardworking Irish to the many country folk who moved to the big city to make things work with our "show me" ethos. Our heritage claims an illustrious Mississippi rat like Huck Finn and an esteemed Cardinal pitcher Preacher Roe
who were both unapologetic champion spitters
. This is the kind of freedom that developed our character, built our country and won baseball games.
I was introduced to public spitting soon after moving to Saint Louis. I was playing a game of baseball with my good friend Konrad Dick, and he would always casually spit while playing baseball. Just spit right there in front of you while playing ball. And being a young budding failure of a ballplayer I knew at that moment that insouciant spitting was a key element of baseball. And then Konrad taught me I can spit just about anytime, not just at batting practice. Real freedom was had from such a simple no nonsense act.
So the next time you see a tourist in town, expectorate. Especially in front of any elitist Communists in order to show them we are real Americans. We don't bow to Communist oppression. God bless America.